terrified

by epi

Yesterday, I had my first post-MSW job interview. I knew halfway through that I would not be getting the job. I didn’t expect to. But still… I had this moment, before it was confirmed, where I questioned… my place, my point.

I’m not driven. It’s strange to finally admit that, but it’s still true. I’m not a driven person. I’m a hard worker (if there’s a task, I’ll work tirelessly [albeit, at the last minute] to carry it out). I’m personable. I’m not detail-oriented. I hate group projects. The idea of teamwork makes my mouth dry up, and my heart pound. I don’t like commitment. I love a challenge. I thrive in a constantly moving and changing environment. I don’t know what I’m doing. When I was younger, I always imagined that eventually, I’d get it. That one day I would wake up and BAM, I’d have a clue about all of this. Nope.

That’s it. No post where I eventually work myself into some type of understanding. No great revelation.

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