none of this…
is an exercise in “finding myself.” i found myself long ago (at 21, i found myself working a job i was unqualified for, and truthfully SUCKED at, so then, i found myself at 23, moving to a new city desperate to be the type of person who “settles down”–so much so that i was willing to sacrifice almost anything to stay until, at 25, i’ve been finding myself realizing if you can’t be who you want, embrace who you are).
so, no. i’m not trying to find myself. it’s more that i wanna go somewhere, and do something. and i can’t imagine that God would write the desire to move-and-see-and-touch-and-serve the world, and then expect me to sit still. (maybe He does. maybe i’m doing the wrong thing here. [that’s another thing. lately, i’m finding myself admitting that i could be wrong. i don’t do anything about it. i just let myself be wrong. but, [insert something about Rome not being built in a day, or one foot in front of the other].]. but if i AM doing the wrong thing, i don’t know what the right thing is. you know? [damn these early/mid 20s.] so, until clarity descends, i can only do what i feel is right. i can only pray, and take steps forward, and apologize when i’m wrong, and start over when i need to, and move forward when i can’t.)
signed, a girl who thinks she might know who she is, just not to do with that.