by epi

i read this article.

and decided i needed to catalog my flaws (as i know them).

  • i’m quick to take responsibility for others’ sins, and slow to surrender an admission of guilt for my own.
  • i like to believe i exist alone, while living in a body built for the company of others.
  • i’m quick to lie, and quicker to promise that i don’t.
  • i tell those around me the hard “truths”, and reserve soft and peaceful lies for myself.
  • i’m angry, but refuse to admit it.
  • i speak first and think later and refuse to apologize even when i’m in the wrong.
  • i take time to “think things through” to the detriment of those around me.
  • i’m selfish. so very very very selfish.i
  • i prefer my own company to that of friends. (that’s a lie. but it’s easier than the truth.) (i’m not entirely sure what the truth is.) (what i don’t know, i make up.)
  • i’m compulsive.
  • i’ve forgotten, if i ever knew, how to commit.
  • i’d rather be alone than work at a relationship.
  • i speak fleeting thoughts as though they were hard Truths.
  • i take walks alone at night. (i’m self destructive.) (i’m curious to a fault.)
  • i swallow my anger. (but it always lodges in my throat, freeing itself at the worst and inappropriate moments.)
  • i question Abba. (but refuse to say it out loud because i’m afraid i’ll seem weak.) (i think admission of defeat is weakness.)
  • if i don’t believe i can master something easily, i won’t attempt it. (and yet, i “put myself out there” in cases when rejection in imminent.  it proves something that might be a lie.)
  • i’m scared to be alone. (i’m even more terrified to love someone and have them hurt me. (i guard my heart from everything but what might actually hurt me.)
  • i run away when things get hard. (i don’t look back.)
  • i’m afraid i won’t know how to cry if someone i love dies. (so i do my best not to love anyone enough to cry at the loss of them.)