the grace of God, the love of a family… the things i always believed i’d travel the world to find; i hold them in my hands now. i never knew that all of this was meant to give you strength as you live; as you find, and move towards, a destination. i always thought, erroneously i’m finding, that love was our destination. i see now, (God, i thank you) that’s love is a vehicle.
i might leave you all someday. i’m not meant to stay. was never meant to stay. was meant to drift, learning and loving along the way. the taste of goodbye will always be on my tongue. my heart will always ache for the things i’ve left behind.
and yet, i’ve prayed for years that God would give me the strength to stay somewhere for once. i want a home. i want to sleep knowing that in two years, or five years, i’ll wake up in the same place. i want to make a plan for 10 years from now.
i don’t really know how this will turn out, you know. i might settle here for the rest of my life. i might move only one more time. i might live my life moving-moving-moving-moving-moving; never allowing grass to die beneath my feet; never learning the beauty of roots grown deep and real. i might. i might not. i only know that no matter what the outcome, as long as I trust Him, nothing matters. (i wanted to say, “it’ll be okay.” i wanted to say, “i’ll overcome.” i might. i might not. but i’m praying that stuff never matters again. God, give me strength be be where You are. to go where You call me. give me strength to pick up, or put down. no matter what. no matter when. give me strength to follow You.)