thoughts that block writing meant for others

by epi

  • i’m aching for poetry.
    pretty words that clash against ugly intentions while
    ugly words flow like music, doing what they’re meant to mean.
  • crass thoughts. crass. dirty jokes and ‘that’s what she said’.
  • i want it to be warm and cool at the same time. i don’t want the middle of anything. i want everything. and isn’t that my problem?
  • i can’t write, even this paper. i’m pretty sure i’m going to fail. except this way, God’s a funny dude, i have to try or I fail, and maybe i won’t fail if i try. even if i do, it doesn’t matter. no other options. and isn’t that my problem?
  • i should be working. where’s my focus?! (and isn’t that my problem?)
  • it’s dark out, and i think i maybe will have a ticket waiting for me. it makes me reluctant to leave. some dude’s cat and all that. same reason i’m doing my best to convince myself i don’t ever want to be in love. cause love is death and life right now.  (and hey, isn’t that…?)