my confession.

by epi

this won’t come as a surprise to many of you, but… i’ve never read the constitution *looks aways in utter shame & humiliation*. i know, i know… “how can you call yourself an American? blah blah blah” “All those political arguments, you started? You’d never even…?” I know & I need you to know, I’m ashamed. So very ashamed.

But… if I may, I have an excuse? Okay see, here’s the thing. I’m going to school for social work and I’ve always had a heart for justice because I feel like Jesus told me I needed to but I’m also kinda conservative and I didn’t mean to be this way I don’t even know how it happened, except my family is and so am I and ALL i wanted to do was follow Jesus.

All I wanted was to be like Jesus. Jesus helped. Jesus gave. Jesus called his followers to give. Everything (because it was the only way to gain anything).  I just wanted to answer my calling. But I couldn’t reconcile my calling with my politics. They didn’t match, everyone told me they couldn’t. (btw, tangent: who is this damn EVERYONE who keeps cropping up everywhere putting a damper on everything? screw them.)  And so… unable to give up the only thing that really drives me, I ignored politics. As a result, today, I know almost nothing in that realm. I’m ashamed, but what other choice did I have? At face value, my cultural/logical politics force me to side with Republicans/conservatives while my calling (serve the poor, widowed, orphaned) are resoundingly Democrat/liberal.

Except… they’re wrong. Both of them. They’re both effin (that’s right!) wrong. And I realized this yesterday, after talking (okay, arguing) with a friend about health care/ health insurance/who deserves it/is it a right/etc and realizing that while yes, I believe everyone has a right to equal access to health care, access to health insurance isn’t a right. This post isn’t necessarily about that though, and plus I realized I have a lot more to learn if I want to hold my own in an argument like that. I can’t ignore politics anymore, mostly because, honestly… I love politics. Well, okay, I lied. But at least, I’m going to need them. I’ll need to know them like the back of my hand… the same goes with the Bib. I’m forging my own way. I’m going to be a conservative social worker, dagnamit, if it kills me! & it might. I’ll be fighting on both sides. Trying to show Christians that we HAVE to give, we MUST serve, we ARE CALLED to love by word and deed. And showing my fellow social workers that Christians are good people. That our calling to social justice is deep and mandatory. And showing both that politics, well politics doesn’t have to be everything. It doesn’t.

That’s all I know. But… I’ve been unable to really develop thoughts lately so leave me alone.

Oh! I almost forgot… I’m sitting here, highlighter uncapped & prepped with a copy of the constitution & a serious commitment to gettin’ it on with my Bible (I’ve been doin’ overtime on creepy-island lately). It’s about time I began to truly understand my calling.

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