thank you for your patience
because, i’ve woken up now. well, first i had to sleep, and now i wake.
don’t get me wrong, i’m still terrified, and more than a little on the edge of panic… my sister and bro-in-law are worried i think. they feed me jello eggs and dr. pepper. i’ll be fine though. (i woke up didn’t i? and besides… i feel almost like panic stretches my heart, a relatively unused muscle. right now it aches in the same way that my legs ached yesterday after a long run around a park with nicotine free lungs. i was so used to running until i couldn’t breathe anymore, that i did. forgot to feel the ache in my hips and the jarring in my feet. today, i’ll do it again. after i have coffee and unpack one box. then, i’ll shower and try out my first day of orientation. i’m writing off the ache as growth.)