the number of

by epi

cigarettes smoked
sunsets watched
beers drank
boys kissed
tears fallen
hugs avoided
” ” desired
jokes actually understood
miles ran (shh… secretly walked)
churchservicesbiblestudiessmallgroupsprayermeetings attended
lies told
truths ignored
texts (waited for, received)
coffees sipped
wishes that coffee could be streamlined into bloodstreams
midnights met
dreams left unsaid/unlived
prayers realized

i tried to count joy and sorrow, but i can’t. i tried to quantify two years of my life, tried to boil it down past words to numbers, to weigh disappointments and joys. i couldn’t. there is no way to tell this early what’s bad and what’s good anyway. besides, some things aren’t meant to be quantified or qualified. sometimes, you are meant to just live. just be.

i am. happy.