epi_shares: more.

by epi

I’m consolidating my blogs.  It needs to happen.

Yes

I have a lumberjack dress. (Hmmm… upon rereading of that sentence, I think… random? Yes. Too random? Idk. You decide.)

I haven’t genuinely blogged in a long time, if ever, and I have a feeling this will be a rough start. I really no idea what to say here, so, I suppose I will just start discussing things. The LJ can respond if he so desires. Ah,here goes a very badly written blog.

My most recent wonderings begin with a quote I found while researching teens and technology:

Sherry Turkle, a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, wonders
whether texting and similar technologies might affect the ability to be alone
and whether feelings are no longer feelings unless they are shared.

I’m intrigued. Personally. Professionally. Positively. (Good things come in threes, and I couldn’t forgo the ‘P’ theme. Great things begin with ‘P’.) Mostly by that second half of the sentence. Let me restate… [on] whether feelings are no longer feelings unless they are shared. An interesting concept, right? My immediate reaction was, “Nope. Absurd.” And then… “Well, maybe.” I started thinking about: Facebook statuses. Twitter. Myspace. The way I sometimes use the projection of emotional times to avoid them. (Like this. Right now. Me writing this instead of allowing a moment of silence to seep into my head and force me to feel… things.)

In a distorted way, it’s like a version of therapy. Or maybe that’s how it started. We talk/type. People listen/read. But in this world they rarely respond. Unlike therapy. Therapy means addressing things. Coming to terms with life, failings, setbacks. Status updates mean: I say it, you read it, and I can pretend like someones listening, or cares. The thing is… people do care. I mean, you’d be surprised by the number of people who are actually genuinely interested in the minute details of your painfully mundane life. (Sorry, is that too harsh? Maybe I should reword it. Here, I guess, is where I reiterate that blogging is something that I actually do quite rarely.) Anyway, I’m serious. I asked. Made my own little status update, commented on the fact that no one care. Instantaneously, I received replies. “Au Contraire”, they said. “We care.” “I might not ever comment, I might not ever call you, I might not even know you from a one-eyed man on the street, but I do indeed care about your updates.” Ah. Wait, really? Are you serious? You care about… what? Why? This piqued my interest for a number of reasons. Find them below.

First, this is scary and more than a little creepy. Second, I understand their reaction, because I care about their updates as well (yes, scary-creepy-fro girl). Third(ly?), all of a sudden I feel two things: (1) a pressure to ensure that my statuses are read-worthy for those people I barely know anymore and (2) a slight nagging feeling that makes me wonder what happens when I don’t have a status for them to read. I think about the people who’ve stopped updating. I won’t list them, because (a) you might know them and (b) you might not know them. Anyway, their identity is not the point. It’s that I didn’t notice. When they (even the ones who updated every day constantly all-the-freaking-poke-me-in-the-eye time) stopped updating, they just slipped from my radar. I didn’t think to go message them, ask them how they were, what was up with the lack of updates. NO… instead, my feed immediately filled with the updates that theirs had been bumping out of the way, and I found new obsessions. I went from knowing everything about people I barely knew, to nothing about them (And this is another post all together–another day.). And I can’t be the only one. So now, I’m wondering.

All those people care about the things I say. Or say they do anyway. But if I don’t update, they don’t notice. And honestly, with all the statuses out there to read, I can’t blame them. I shouldn’t expect people to care about what I think, if I don’t care to update them on those thoughts. <–Ah! See that process? That’s a scary process. See, what I’m saying, basically, is that without a public declaration of a fact, feeling, anything… it has little to no significance. And, not only that, but as the “feel-er” I don’t even expect it to have significance.

Ha! Wow. So, basically, I just wrote a really long post proving (for me only) what had already been proven. Well, maybe I’ll do better next time.
*find quote on page 2 of http://tinyurl.com/afecoh.

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